Occam's (or Ockham's) Razor...

So let's see, new in our saga of "How Can The Universe Screw Jessica Over AGAIN", we have:

-I finally got the whatchamacallit(I honestly can't think of the name right now... Lief Spring?) fixed on my truck. Yay. On the bad note, not only are my shocks shot to shit, BUT my battery will be dead by January AND my 4wd high and 4wd low light come on and blink six times and then go off for about five minutes and then start blinking again AND I'm stuck in 2wd, and cannot get the 4wd (either high or low) to engage. Universe- 1; Jessica- 0. Bonus points for the universe.

-Preggo Supervisor is going on vacation next week, which means, not only am I working insanely long hours(longer then my usual insanely long hours), BUT I am also working from Sunday 9/4 until Wednesday 9/14 without a day off. Universe- 12; Jessica- 0. Double bonus points for the universe.

-Preggo Supervisor is also probably going to be out on maternity leave by months end. We still don't have enough people up front, which means, no Holiday Layaway season for Jessica. :-( Also, as much as I've been vocal about it, they are probably going to make me supervisor AGAINST MY WISHES. Universe- 33; Jessica- 0. 54958450430943594 bonus points for the universe.

Universe is undisputed champion.

Since tomorrow is my day off and I need an open mind to sort through my crazy amounts of troubles, I'm going to go see Kevin tomorrow. That's good, being that Irene, that crazy bitch, pretty much shut down the NJDOC last weekend. But his father might be coming... And that I am not happy about AT ALL. I don't see him for a while and by the time I finally get to see him, I have to meet his father? Uh, no!

In my little spare time I've:
A) Watched a whole bunch of seasons of ER(and cried a lot over it, WTH? (though mark greene's death was tres sad.))
B) Read a book called "Happy Hour of the Damned" by Mark Henry. I suggest it for anyone as it's really a wonderfully funny and sarcastic book. Go check it out! You know you want to.


And now, a lesson on Occam's Razor:

The principle states that "Entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily."

Many scientists have adopted or reinvented Occam's Razor and Isaac Newton stated the rule: "We are to admit no more causes of natural things than such as are both true and sufficient to explain their appearances."

The most useful statement of the principle for scientists is,

"when you have two competing theories which make exactly the same predictions, the one that is simpler is the better."

Red Is For Remembrance...

Dear Blog,
I have not forgotten you dear blog. I've had so much on my plate these last few months what with working over at that big red k, which apparently I'm not supposed to be talking about online? And also working at the theater which is just mass amounts of annoying.

Pumpkin

Be right back, there is an adorkable kitty trying to play with me. Back. Now here is a picture of said adorkable kitty:

Isn't she adorable? Sorry for the glowy eye, I couldn't get her to stay still and I needed flash.

As far as the rest of my life goes aside from slave-driving jobs and asshole customers? Well, it's going. Life is going on, but I sorta feel like it's passing me by since I never have time for anything. So here is my promise to you dear readers for my goals for November:

• Attempt NaNoWriMo
• Go to the gym. I'm paying for it, might as well do it.
• Take at least 15 pictures with my DSLR.
• Get back into blogging. Seriously.
• Just take one day and go somewhere alone to sort through all my emotions and thoughts.
• Remind the boy why he's so special to me.
• Not have any injuries.

Those, my dear readers, are my goals for November.

A Not So Pretty Tale...

I couldn't have been more wrong about... Everything. And I truly do mean that.

It's taken me a while to figure out how this post would go; and work has helped by keeping me extremely busy. They moved him from the county jail into, kind of a halfway place, without giving him notice, without telling his lawyer, they just moved him. Which, by the way, New Jersey, really, really pissed everyone off. They gave him his sentencing. They gave him the maximum time that they could possibly do. Two years and three days. Those words are still echoing in my head and every time they bounce around, my heart hurts a little more, my eyes well up a little. But there is a tiny bit of hope, that is, if my lovely boyfriend can keep himself out of trouble, he is eligible for parole in October of this year. Hopefully. But then again, I've been wrong about everything else so far.

I don't think that I can make it two years. And for those of you thinking that it is because I don't love him enough, that's not true. I have put up with far more then any other person could begin to imagine. Why? Because I love this boy. I know the label on him, and I know people will forever think that he is scum, but I don't. I know the true measure of this man, his kindness, his devotion, his love.

He doesn't want me to leave him. He says he needs me, and I know that to be more then true. The only people that care about him are his grandmother and I. His father doesn't even realize that he's in jail, his mother won't accept his calls. But can I really wait two years in pain from being away from someone that I love so desperately?

This is all I've seen of my other half in over two weeks now. It breaks my heart knowing how sad he is in this picture and that I can't do anything to help him. I just wish I could hug him and let him know everything will be alright.

No Contact

Well, found out what happened... but I won't have contact with him for a while.

Is This How It Feels To Have A Broken Heart?

I can't do this.

Right now, I am so ready to just cry and let it all out. I mean, I don't even really know what's going on and why he hasn't tried calling. But... I just want to scream and cry and curl up in a fetal position. My heart feels like it's being torn into pieces. I have never experienced heart break this bad before, not even with Joey. I feel like I won't survive until the end of this. It just hurts that bad.

I talked to him on Thursday. I was driving to go get Hibachi with Chrissy. He tried calling all day Friday, but it was while I was working and I couldn't answer the phone. Saturday, nothing. Sunday, Nothing. I've called his grandmother and she's as worried as I am. Why Hasn't He Called Me?

It's not like I can call him back. It's not like I can talk to him anytime I want to. I cherish the 15 minute phone calls. I look forward to them as much as I look forward to the 20 minute video visits. Oh god, this hurts so much. I've gone through so much for him and he hasn't called me. Is he mad? Does he hurt as much as I do? Does it feel like someone is in his chest tearing his heart to shreds?

Is this how it feels to have a broken heart?

Old Shoes...

There comes a time when everyone at some point or another reaches a turning point. A Roadblock, if you will, that keeps them from going straight but gives them the option of taking the left or right paths. I have found myself at one of these roadblocks quite recently.

I realized that my job is kind of like your old, dirty, falling-to-pieces shoe. You know the ones that I'm talking about. The kind that you just can't seem to throw away because they're just so damn comfortable. And as I watch my friends move on, I question myself about my place in this company. In May, I'll have been there for three years. Dealing with the same rude customers day in and day out. There are so many customer suck stories that I could share with you just from that job. In the almost three years I've been there, I have only been given a raise once. I am currently making a whole $7.60; thirty-five cents more then most everyone there, except a select few. My hours have pretty much been butchered since I picked up a second job; I am making as much now in a month as I was when I was only working the theater, and the point of me picking up a second job was so that I would make more per month.

And so my dilemma comes down to do I keep the dirty, old, falling-to-pieces, comfortable shoes, or should I let them go? Do I take out the trash and find myself a new pair of comfortable shoes? Do I take the right path or the left since I can obviously not continue on straight?

Just some food for thought.

Now, Really?

How many of you have read this article?

Matthew White downloaded what he thought was a girls gone wild video, but turned out to be child pornography. He deleted it right away, but for the simple accident that he downloaded the wrong thing, he now faces up to twenty years in jail. His public defender has advised him to plead guilty in hopes of lowering the possible sentence to three and a half years in prison, ten years probation, and he must REGISTER as a Sex Offender. Basically, this kid's future is ruined. He's twenty-two years old and has to go to jail for an accident. And even if the jail time isn't what ruins his life, the sex offender label is what will.

Thoughts? Positions? Arguments?

I Haven't Forgotten About You Dear Blog...

I have had such a roller coaster ride the last few months. I got a second job at Kmart and it's killing me. Or it was til they cut my hours at the theater. Really? Two days this week?

Anyway, I was supposed to have off from both jobs today but I got called in to learn/work layaway today since final pick up is on the 4th.

TMI ahead!

Things with Kevin are going well. Our sex life is... Well, almost non-existent. I really wish it wasn't, but there's nothing I can do as it's his medication that is doing this to him. But at the same time I have needs too. I miss sex. I miss mind-blowing sex with him. I just dunno what to do and it's definitely a sore subject with him.

End TMI.

Other then working not much has been going on. I hope everyone is doing well.

Job Insecurities...

Ok, so let's face it. I'm a college drop out. I work a dead-end part-time job, but at least I was making ends meet. I pay my bills, and usually have nothing left over, but the bills are paid. I've been searching for another job for awhile now. And have come up with niente.

There comes a time when businesses are forced to close, because of the way the economy has been. And really, the economy hasn't effected me too much as I was still getting hours and enough money to pay those annoying bills that are like clockwork, coming every month. And so I grew cocky; I figured that I'd always have the hours I was being given. Last night, I was given what felt like a good one-two punch to the gut. The theater was cutting hours, massively, and no one is safe from it. And while the theater is not closing it's doors for good, it is going to be closed for a good portion of time when it would normally be open for business. You see, the big heads have formed a brain child. That instead of each movie having four or five showings per day during the week(Monday-Thursday), that the theater would instead go down to two showings per movie per day. The theater would be open for an hour where all the movies would be going in, roughly around one-thirty in the afternoon, and then close until seven-thirty when all the movies would again be going in. You see, the figure that instead of having eight to ten people an hour that way they'll combine it and labor will cost them less. And as for the employees, well shifts would be cut down to two and a half hours.

There also comes a time when people get too comfortable in their jobs, thinking that it'll all be alright. Unfortunately, it is around that point that these people get a kick in the ass. That's exactly what happened here. I've been with the theater for two years and three and a half months. I grew comfortable. Yes, it isn't fun to have no extra money, but really what kind of jobs await a twenty-two year old college drop out? That was my line of thinking. I slacked off on my search and I continued to think that the economy would never touch me. As of earlier in the afternoon today, I took back up that job search, because if there was one thing I needed? It was a good kick in the ass, to show me that it's not alright to just barely be making ends meet. That, while yes, I am a college drop out, there is hope for me to find a rewarding career somewhere. Somewhere that is not a movie theater where teenagers should be working, not someone my age. A kick in the ass to grow up. And while I think that the next few months are going to be the hardest I've ever had financially, I think that in the end, everything is going to be alright. I'm setting my sights a little higher. And my day seems just a little brighter then just a few hours ago. Wish me luck as I take this journey.

And while I am entirely upset about this decision on the theater's part and mad that they don't care enough about their employees to give us notice of such a cut in hours, I am also, quite ironically, thankful.

Oh... God.

What do you say to a close friend when they tell you that they're dying? Do you tell them that everything will be ok, even though you both know that's not true? Do you try to convince them that they'll make it through somehow, even though they've had four heart attacks and two seizures? How do you, yourself, cope with it and not let them see how upset you are?

These are questions I'm asking myself right now. Questions that I can't even begin to answer, but somehow I must.

A good friend of mine told me that in August of 2008, she was told she had a few years left if she took care of herself. She is twenty-two years old and has been fighting cancer since she was four.

How do I respond to her telling me that. How do I tell her how much she meant to me, as my best friend in college, without sounding all doom and gloom. How do I tell her I want to spend more time with her, especially when I know, I know, she's not due to be coming back from Korea for another year?

I've lost so many good friends and family to cancer. And every time it makes it harder. I don't want to lose one of my only true friends to this terrible disease... She doesn't deserve to suffer like that.