Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Is This How It Feels To Have A Broken Heart?
I can't do this.
Right now, I am so ready to just cry and let it all out. I mean, I don't even really know what's going on and why he hasn't tried calling. But... I just want to scream and cry and curl up in a fetal position. My heart feels like it's being torn into pieces. I have never experienced heart break this bad before, not even with Joey. I feel like I won't survive until the end of this. It just hurts that bad.
I talked to him on Thursday. I was driving to go get Hibachi with Chrissy. He tried calling all day Friday, but it was while I was working and I couldn't answer the phone. Saturday, nothing. Sunday, Nothing. I've called his grandmother and she's as worried as I am. Why Hasn't He Called Me?
It's not like I can call him back. It's not like I can talk to him anytime I want to. I cherish the 15 minute phone calls. I look forward to them as much as I look forward to the 20 minute video visits. Oh god, this hurts so much. I've gone through so much for him and he hasn't called me. Is he mad? Does he hurt as much as I do? Does it feel like someone is in his chest tearing his heart to shreds?
Is this how it feels to have a broken heart?
Right now, I am so ready to just cry and let it all out. I mean, I don't even really know what's going on and why he hasn't tried calling. But... I just want to scream and cry and curl up in a fetal position. My heart feels like it's being torn into pieces. I have never experienced heart break this bad before, not even with Joey. I feel like I won't survive until the end of this. It just hurts that bad.
I talked to him on Thursday. I was driving to go get Hibachi with Chrissy. He tried calling all day Friday, but it was while I was working and I couldn't answer the phone. Saturday, nothing. Sunday, Nothing. I've called his grandmother and she's as worried as I am. Why Hasn't He Called Me?
It's not like I can call him back. It's not like I can talk to him anytime I want to. I cherish the 15 minute phone calls. I look forward to them as much as I look forward to the 20 minute video visits. Oh god, this hurts so much. I've gone through so much for him and he hasn't called me. Is he mad? Does he hurt as much as I do? Does it feel like someone is in his chest tearing his heart to shreds?
Is this how it feels to have a broken heart?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Old Shoes...
There comes a time when everyone at some point or another reaches a turning point. A Roadblock, if you will, that keeps them from going straight but gives them the option of taking the left or right paths. I have found myself at one of these roadblocks quite recently.
I realized that my job is kind of like your old, dirty, falling-to-pieces shoe. You know the ones that I'm talking about. The kind that you just can't seem to throw away because they're just so damn comfortable. And as I watch my friends move on, I question myself about my place in this company. In May, I'll have been there for three years. Dealing with the same rude customers day in and day out. There are so many customer suck stories that I could share with you just from that job. In the almost three years I've been there, I have only been given a raise once. I am currently making a whole $7.60; thirty-five cents more then most everyone there, except a select few. My hours have pretty much been butchered since I picked up a second job; I am making as much now in a month as I was when I was only working the
theater, and the point of me picking up a second job was so that I would make more per month.
And so my dilemma comes down to do I keep the dirty, old, falling-to-pieces, comfortable shoes, or should I let them go? Do I take out the trash and find myself a new pair of comfortable shoes? Do I take the right path or the left since I can obviously not continue on straight?
Just some food for thought.
I realized that my job is kind of like your old, dirty, falling-to-pieces shoe. You know the ones that I'm talking about. The kind that you just can't seem to throw away because they're just so damn comfortable. And as I watch my friends move on, I question myself about my place in this company. In May, I'll have been there for three years. Dealing with the same rude customers day in and day out. There are so many customer suck stories that I could share with you just from that job. In the almost three years I've been there, I have only been given a raise once. I am currently making a whole $7.60; thirty-five cents more then most everyone there, except a select few. My hours have pretty much been butchered since I picked up a second job; I am making as much now in a month as I was when I was only working the
theater, and the point of me picking up a second job was so that I would make more per month.And so my dilemma comes down to do I keep the dirty, old, falling-to-pieces, comfortable shoes, or should I let them go? Do I take out the trash and find myself a new pair of comfortable shoes? Do I take the right path or the left since I can obviously not continue on straight?
Just some food for thought.
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